Why Self-Care Can Feel Like Guilt (And What to Do Instead)

Taking a day off from work, taking a break from your kids/family, buying yourself something you really want, sleeping in, saying no or setting boundaries, or not being available. Suppose you have done any of these and felt guilt. You're not alone. People who are always working, thinking, and doing have the hardest time making time for themselves, especially if they grew up in a culture where taking breaks was seen as lazy or irresponsible. Maybe you were taught that you should always sacrifice your happiness for others, or somehow received messages that self-care is selfish.

Self-care is essential to our longevity and well-being; it is what replenishes our energy and gives us a reset when we are feeling burned out. It decreases feelings of anger and resentment and is necessary for our mental health. Self-care should not be an option or a choice, because it is one of our most basic needs. Society has taught us that we should always be contributing, and self-care isn’t put on the same level. This is why many people often find themselves in situations where they are being taken advantage of, mistreated, feeling resentment and anger, and feeling exhausted, burned-out, and depressed.

What is Self-care?

Self-care is not a spa day or grooming yourself. Yes, those things are a form of self-care, but self-care is also allowing your body to rest when you are feeling pain or tired, being ok with needing to take a mental health day from work or call out sick. Going out of town for the weekend with friends when you need a break from your family. Eating healthy, taking walks, saying no when you need time to yourself, or choosing your happiness and wellbeing (when appropriate).

The Benefits

Learning how to self-care will greatly improve your mental health by boosting your mood, decreasing anxiety and feelings of depression. You can better connect with yourself, increase mental clarity, and improve decision-making skills without feeling trapped in a loop. You will also see improvements in your relationships or rid your life of people who are energy vampires and don’t respect your boundaries.

How to Do It

Don’t treat self-care as an option; it’s just as important as all the other things in your life. To combat the guilt, find something that you need or want to do for yourself, follow through with it, and allow the feeling of guilt to be there. Remember that feelings aren’t facts; just because you feel guilty doesn’t mean you did something wrong. Maybe ask where this feeling of guilt is coming from, and check in to see when is the last time you did something for yourself. Evaluate all your responsibilities and obligations. have your fulfilled them? Tell yourself that you deserve a break and remind yourself not to be so hard on yourself. Self-care will help you continue to show up in the ways you need to.