What I have learned about people from being a therapist.

Being a therapist has taught me a great deal about the common thoughts, feelings, fears, and worries that we all share. It has taught me that we are not alone in the ways we think and feel about certain situations. It has also taught me not to make assumptions because while we share similarities, we are also very different and unique, like a fingerprint. I now understand that we are complex and we have “parts”. A lot of what we think and feel may not make sense, but it’s all connected to something deep in our subconscious. The purpose of this article is to share these subconscious things that most of us have.

Everyone has insecurities.

Everyone has something they feel insecure about, and a lot of behavior is shaped by masking, avoiding, or feeling insecure. No one is 100% confident, and that’s ok, having an insecurity isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It keeps us self-aware. The goal is to “know thyself” because self-awareness is the most powerful tool, giving you the power to choose how you show up (or behave) in society. Not having awareness of insecurities leads to many undesirable behaviors and beliefs, including anxiety, self-sabotage, poor relationships, defensiveness, and perfectionism.

We all have experienced trauma.

Unfortunately, in our society, trauma is a part of life. We have all been, in some way, shape, or form, impacted by traumatic events. There is a difference between being traumatized and experiencing trauma. You can experience trauma and not be traumatized. The reason I bring this up is that it’s important to acknowledge that we are all affected by trauma. Trauma increases our awareness of danger; it can shape our behaviors and contribute to symptoms of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Many people will say they never experienced trauma, but after some time in therapy, they learn that being bullied in 3^rd grade is where their anxiety stems from, and there are many more examples of how a “micro” trauma contributes to a person’s present symptoms.

We all have childhood wounds.

There is a saying, “raising a child does not come with a handbook”, and being a parent doesn’t come with one either. Our parents were not perfect, and for the most part, they tried to raise us to the best of their ability, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have some scrapes and bruises. There were times our parents did not have the capacity to show up the same way every single time we needed them to… and that’s ok.  The best way to start to heal those wounds is to be aware of them and consider what tools your parents had when raising you. Understanding their childhood and background can show you a cycle that’s been repeated. 

Acceptance is important to everyone.

We are not meant to live in solitude; our ancestors lived in tribes and villages, and our strength as humans comes in numbers. Acceptance is a survival mechanism, so if there wasn’t a foundation of feeling accepted, then we can develop some really unhealthy coping mechanisms to find it. We can also choose people who are not healthy or good for us because we are trying to avoid being alone.

We all want and need to be validated.

Validation is the recognition of feelings; it is not about saying someone is right or wrong. Feelings are not based on right or wrong; feelings are how someone perceives their experience, and we can’t really apply logic to an emotion. Instead, we can try to understand that person’s experience by listening and putting ourselves in their shoes to consider their point of view. We all want to be understood and listened to. We all want someone to say, “I get it”, “I understand”, so we don’t feel we are completely alone. When individuals grow up in an environment where they are never validated, then they develop self-doubt and struggle to regulate their emotions.